Do you belong to the Q D club? There are millions of people who do, in spite of the fact that it is a club no one wants to join. There are people who trudge, plod, tramp and become life weary, people who force themselves to continue to run in the human race finding little joy in life. Sometimes life hands people problems and tribulations through negative events that just seem to happen: illness, job loss, abandonment by a loved one, too little money, too hard work, too much rejection, droughts, storms, accidents, or mundane, boring days that go on endlessly.
The QD stands for quiet desperation and you might be a member of the QD club if:
- You feel caught, trapped, and stuck in a way of life that is not satisfying or feeding you emotionally, spiritually and physically.
- You know opportunity and fulfillment might be out there but you're too tired or scared to reach for it, so you feel helpless.
- Loneliness threatens to engulf you when you have a quiet moment.
- Sometime during every week you ask, "Is this all there is?"
- You have long ago given up trying to get the sex you want from the person who claims to love you and have resentment in your heart instead.
- There is no trusted friend in whom to confide your deepest disappointments and sorrows, so you cry at movies and TV shows.
- Your pride won't let you admit that you are being abused at home or work and you think if you admit it there will be hell to pay.
- You have constant colds, headaches, backaches, irritable bowel system, or other stress related illnesses and your medical chart is 4 inches thick.
- You never really feel esteemed or valued by the people you live or work with, always waiting for the day to come when you will be appreciated.
- You have constant negative fantasies and fears about life.
- You take pills, use alcohol or gamble to make life bearable.
- You think God exists for everybody else but does nothing for you.
- You feel that life is tedious, takes too much energy and you have envisioned your own funeral or entertained thoughts of suicide.
It is possible to resign from the QD club by joining the LITS club (Life Is Too Short). First, make some signs and put them on your refrigerator and on your mirrors, "I am a member of the LITS Club." Then make the decision that you will do whatever it takes. Choose to start practicing gratitude. Start with God, thank him for your life.
- Don't feel good? Tell God thank you that you get to spend a day in bed and be especially grateful that you even have a bed.
- Sick of your job? Spend some time thinking about what you would do if you could do anything you wanted and visualize yourself doing it, over and over and over again.
- Searching for appreciation? Start appreciating everyone and everything that crosses your path and say it out loud, to them and to yourself.
- Never enough money? The richest person in the world is constantly looking for more money, yeah, but you would just like to be able to pay your bills at the end of the month. Check out Consumer Credit Counseling.
- Being abused at home or work? First, admit it to yourself and then to someone who can help. Call WAVI (Working Against Violence, Inc.) and ask to speak to a counselor. They are completely non-judgmental.
- Too much alcohol, drugs or gambling? Call the Alano Society for help.
- Just plain fed up with life and all its tediousness? Do one thing different, something unlike you, something that feels good, something that is scary to do (like getting a massage or taking dancing lessons). Just pick one thing and stick with it.
- Lonely? Reach out! The number one problem in our society is loneliness. You don't have to look very far to find someone who needs a friend, I know you're judgmental and picky; stop it, that's just an excuse to stay lonely and hide behind your fear.
I see people all the time who show up at church or social functions and their attitude seems to be, "OK I'm here, entertain me." Do not be one of those. Be the one who says, "I am here, how can I help?" Reach out, reach out, reach out; it will change your life. Then you can say, "I used to be a member of the QD club, but now I belong to the LITS club." In fact you can buy the t-shirt.
Evelyn Leite, is Author, Counselor, Trainer and founder of Living with Solutions. She has been helping clients deal with issues of grief and loss, trauma, abuse, and addiction for 28 years.